Roses
by JulieM
Summary: Just a short, Mac POV fic, set after 'Hail & Farewell.' COMPLETE!


Title: Roses.

Summary: Just a short, Mac POV fic, set after 'Hail & Farewell.' Want to know a bit about the story? Nope, I'm not giving anything away! Read on!

Rating: PG 13 or T.

Spoilers: Anything around the last half of season 9, leading up to up to 'Hail and Farewell.' Set after the season 9 finale.

Disclaimer; don't own them (But oh! how I wish I did! Wouldn't that be a trip?) JAG and its characters belong to that genius known as DPB and the folks at CBS. 'nuff said, enjoy!

Slowly, the real world flows back to me and I wake up feeling colder than I can ever remember being in my whole life. The starched hospital linen is scratchy against my skin, but I hug it to me anyway, anything to alleviate this cold. My breathing is shallow because of the obstruction in my throat, which I know has been caused by the intubation tube that must have been taken out when I was wheeled back into recovery. Now, I gently try and clear my throat, but it's such a hard job because I so feel like gasping for air, but I'm too afraid of choking myself. Slowly, I feel my airways begin to open again and I settle back into semi-consciousness, the only thing concerning me now is the fact that I feel so cold. God, I have never felt so cold…well, not since…I guess, not since that day, the day after I turned fifteen. I remember the desolation, it's come back to haunt me these past few months…At the time, I didn't really notice the coldness coursing through my veins, it was overshadowed by disappointment, disappointment that I had failed at yet another thing. I remember thinking that my father was right; I couldn't do anything right. I was a failure at everything; at being a daughter that my Mother could be proud of (one that could have made her stay)…a failure at ending the pain that accompanied being essentially parentless…

But at that second, something brings me out of my thoughts and back to the present… I know that smell; it seems so strong that it masked even the nauseating antiseptic-hospital scent that was infecting the air as I was being wheeled to the OR. And it takes me back to a time almost eight years ago, one that I knew (yes, even back then) would change my life forever. That pair of shell-shocked blue eyes, the smell of the rose garden all around us, even our CO's words; _"Don't get too familiar, you've got to work together."_

God, the number of times that I have dreamed about that day!

Slowly, gingerly, I open my eyes and when they don't manage to adjust properly, I realise that I've still got drugs in my system; things are going to look fuzzy for a little while. The first thing I notice is the guardrail up on the side of my bed. Once my eyes have got used to that, I focus them beyond the bed and they sluggishly attempt to comply.

At first, it is only a blotch of red that I see, then the lines and shades begin to appear and I realise that, yes, it is a vase of red roses that I'm looking at. And they look even more beautiful than they smell. They must be freshly picked, because their scent is crisp and sweet. I wonder who brought those in…In my mind I remember that it is a weekday; I had to take a few days off work in order to be here…I don't remember much else about the days leading up to my operation, though…just the feeling of numbness, shock and panic.

My question is answered for me when I hear a quiet snuffle to my right and turn my head to look beyond the bars on the other side of my bed.

The sight is even more comforting to me than the smell and sight of the roses, more comforting than the warmth that is now spreading it's way back through my body;

Harmon Rabb, secret love of my life is asleep in the chair by my bed, his cheek leaning heavily on the hand tensely gripping the guardrails of my bed. The pain that the slight movement causes is worth it, as I move closer to the protective, but as yet unconscious figure leaning towards me. I've got a drip in my right one, but I lift my left, heavy and still-cold hand over to place it on top of Harm's.

Content and secure for the moment, I shut my drowsy eyes and fall back into sleep, knowing that by the time I wake, I'll be feeling much better, with the man that I love by my side…

Fin

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